Every Little Hurricane

“Do you know why the Indian rain dances always worked? 

Because the Indians would keep dancing until it rained.”
― Sherman Alexie

I have trouble with anxiety. I have trouble trusting God. I have all these little hurricanes swirling around me.

My personal hurricanes:

1. Being unemployed.
2. Rejection letters.
3. Wasting my newly acquired BA degree (English Lit/ Visual Studies)
4. Loosing my apartment.
5. Moving back in with my parents.
6. Loosing out on friendships and relationships because of family.
7. Not giving enough to my family.
8. Feeling like I have to do everything by myself.
9. Feeling like I am a failure.
10. And nobody cares.

The list goes on. 

If I ask for help, is that giving up? What if I just took a break from worrying? From trying? What about medication?

A friend of mine (a very wise friend indeed) said that I needed a Sabbath Rest. His wife (another very wise friend) advised me to focus only on what's next? And they both told me to read the Psalms, to relearn how to pray, to put my trust in Him. There is a plan, though I don't see it.

Lord, do not rebuke me in your anger
    or discipline me in your wrath.
² Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am faint;
    heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony.
³ My soul is in deep anguish.
    How long, Lord, how long?

⁴ Turn, Lord, and deliver me;
    save me because of your unfailing love.
⁵ Among the dead no one proclaims your name.
    Who praises you from the grave?

⁶ I am worn out from my groaning.

All night long I flood my bed with weeping
    and drench my couch with tears.
⁷ My eyes grow weak with sorrow;
    they fail because of all my foes.

⁸ Away from me, all you who do evil,
    for the Lord has heard my weeping.
⁹ The Lord has heard my cry for mercy;
    the Lord accepts my prayer.
¹⁰ All my enemies will be overwhelmed with shame and anguish;
    they will turn back and suddenly be put to shame. 

               Psalm 6

So what is next? 

Pay August rent. Give 30 day notice. 

Wait to hear back on one last job application.

Sew a few Farmer's Wife quilt blocks. Read The Bean Trees. Yoga.